It's at times like these I want to give up. Far from feeling that my body is a temple that I should look after etc I feel at war with it. In fact I can hear it groaning now (well, it could be my tummy rumbling because it wants breakfast!)
BUT I'm not going to give up, because I've spent four and a half months trying to get thinner and fitter. So instead I will battle on. Here are my latest plans and strategies.
1. Get out both sets of bathroom weighing scales and give them a good talking to. Make sure they are both properly adjusted and keep them side by side.
2. Weigh self on set 1 and then on set 2. Take the lowest measurement as being the truth!
3. Weigh self with one foot on each scale.
4. Rotate the scales to face North, South, East and West - possibly adding in North-West, South-South East and various other directions, measuring self throughout and noting the optimum reading. By this time should have discovered which set of scales is offering the lowest bid and should, of course, accept this one - provisionally.
5. Naturally, all these procedures will be carried out stark naked and after a visit to the loo. However, ensure toenails are clipped, hair clips are taken out and all jewellery is removed.
6. Pretend to leave the bathroom. However, quietly return and approach scales from a different angle. Gently ease self on to the scales, so that the weight goes up slowly.
7. If this doesn't work kick the scales and then readjust them so that they start below zero; preferably about 14 pounds below. Record the weight shown. Remember, one only weighs the amount one does because of gravity. On the moon or maybe even Turkey or Thailand it would be much less.
8. Fill in a weight loss graph with latest and least weight. Applaud self for losing so much in such a short amount of time, then go and reward self with something nice to eat or drink! Or maybe buy a new set of scales....
No comments:
Post a Comment