Do the pump 'n' spray and lose some weight today,

Can you lose weight and save money in these dire times?
Well, according to the government you just need to eat less.  Control yourself and keep off the cream buns and the weight will drop off.  Hmmm.  Not so sure about that.  I find that my weight loss(or sadly gain) fluctuates with the seasons and my mood, and that what I eat is only a part of the problem.
But, clearly anything that can enable calories in to be less than calories used will help in the fight to get thinner.  so here is my top tip for the day.    Remember the 'Shake and Vac' advert?  If not you can watch it here.  

Well meet the Pump 'n' Spray.  This is from Lakeland Plastics and you fill it with the oil of your choice. 

It dispenses a fraction of the oil you would usually pour in cooking, so you save massively on the oil as well as on the calories you're putting into your meal. Plus of course it gives you a bit of exercise (you have to pump before each spray).  I also suggest a little dance around the kitchen whenever you use it - to the  tune of the Shake and Vac advert.


You may hate me for getting that tune in your head, but at least you might be thinner and richer!

My cunning plan to lose weight

It seems to me that my wannabe fat self (lets call her Lard) has been making some sneaky moves on my wannabe thin self (I'll call her Beyonce!). I really don't recall giving Lard permission to drag me towards biscuits, crisps and cheesecake - whilst keeping away from the gym on the flimsiest of excuses. "Your trainer lace is broken." - I have spares, somewhere, or "If you go now you might be late back and you'll miss checking with your dental hygienist on facebook..".

All the time Beyonce, bless her, has been under the impression that she has, by and large, been sticking to the straight and narrow -avoiding chips and dumplings, whilst leaping on her bike frequently and pedalling pretty furiously. Beyonce - and I'm with her on this one - is gutted to find that the weight is going the wrong way; 8 pounds - and that's on the kind and friendly scales. The gloating scales can just sit there and 'wait' for the moment. I'm going nowhere near them.

But, as I mentioned, I have a cunning plan. This is based on trickery and deception. Lard will not know what's slithered off her until she's just a mere globule of fat.  And here is an example of how it will work.

It's 4.30 pm and Beyonce is putting the finishing touches to her work for the day.  A tick here, a tick there and a shimmy across the floor as she sings to John who has come to replace the light bulb.  Soon it will be time for home.

At this point Lard, in that rather devious and manipulating little voice of hers, pipes up.  "Oooh don't forget that you need to go to the staff room to pay for those sweeties you had yesterday.  You know the white chocolate mice.  Have you forgotton that all the profit goes to charity?  And such a good cause too.... maybe you should get some more?"

Beyonce though is ready! "Yes Lard Great Ormond Street Hospital is a good cause isn't it.  However, I think I could better support them by taking part in a fun run.  So I'm going to get into training by jogging home this evening - up that steep hill."

"No, no!" shrieks Lard " You might hurt yourself.  You're too old and unfit. Anyway, you've got too much work to carry home in that bag of yours."

But Beyonce has the final word.  "Lard - I have a flash pen, with all my latest lyrics and toons on.  I don't need any heavy books in my bag, just a song in my heart and a spring in my step.  And I'll put the money in the sweet box tomorrow.  Come on let's go.  Got me lookin so crazy right now..."

Thus will I defeat slobbery old Lard and allow Beyonce to sing and dance her heart out, in a lightened up sort of way.  Wish us luck:)